


Delores Two

by melloneddy



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Apocalypse, He's a teenage boy what do you expect, Like, Multi, Original Character - Freeform, again I'm not sure, five Tries New Things, five and Delores have a bit of a bad time, five is having the worst time, five reads bad romance novels, for the smut, girl you know it's hard, he has a lot of uhh sad times, he's just horny stfu, i disgust myself, if this one is applicable, in an apocalypse, it's an original mannequin, it's just another mannequin, really bad romance novels, sexual awakening, you know what else is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melloneddy/pseuds/melloneddy
Summary: Alone with Dolores, Five lives a melancholy almost-life, until one day, he finds another doll. This one's different--he's got a bottom half.I apologize for the nature of this summary. Reading over it now, it looks lewd and awful, but five is seventeen and if any of y'all have ever had a sexual awakening think about how difficult for your mental health it would be to do that in an apocalypse...honey I would pass away <3 but five powers through <3
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Delores Two

Five is out alone, fifteen, when he finds his second Delores.

Delores Two is actually named Tyler, and he’s a sex doll. Five can tell because when he finds him, locked untouched in a closet in a big stone house, he’s not wearing clothes and his thing is sticking up in the air. It makes him uncomfortable at first, but he tells himself he should be grateful that they’ve finally added someone new to their party. Clothes that hide the doll’s stick-up are fairly difficult to find, but Five finds them--two oversized flannels and the loosest pair of pants he’s ever seen. The doll is complete--a full body--and poseable, so Five can carry him around in his wagon next to Delores. 

Tyler doesn’t speak for the first two weeks, but Delores won’t let Five leave him behind (not that he really wanted to, though it _was_ extra weight). She maintains that he’s just shy, and often has soft, one-sided conversations with him while Five is setting up shelter or cooking food. 

The first thing he eventually says to Five is a question: _Are you lonely?_ It’s shockingly intrusive, and Five almost knocks over the careful stack of books he’s gathered and turns sharply to look at him. 

“No. I have Delores, and now that you’ve decided to talk, I guess I have you too.” _Of course I’m lonely. Stupid damn question._

_Delores says you had siblings. Do you miss them?_

“Yeah.” Five tries to focus all his attention on the books he’s reorganizing for the thirty-fourth time, because he knows he’ll cry if he says anything else. 

_Can you tell me about them?_

“Maybe later,” says Five, and his voice cracks. He blames Tyler for the water his body loses crying that day.

Tyler becomes a good friend in the coming months. He’s there when Five and Delores have arguments, and he’s there when Five is drunk and Delores is so mad she won’t even talk to him. On what might be Five’s sixteenth birthday, they have a small celebration. By this point Five’s even got a makeshift house, with two rooms separated by blankets and a storm shelter. 

Delores goes to bed early, like she always does, but Five stays up with Tyler and looks at the stars. It’s the one thing he tries to be grateful for in his town of dust and corpses, because they were never visible back home. It took a few years for them to come back, but now they stretch across the sky like jewels on a beautiful lady’s neck, and Five thinks they’re gorgeous--one of the few things that can distract him from the ever-present empty gnawing in his stomach.

 _You’re getting older,_ says Tyler with a glint in his eye. 

“Yeah,” Five mutters. What he doesn’t say is that he’s afraid--every year that passes means, to him, a year his siblings are growing up without him. He can’t be seventeen and go back to when they were all thirteen; he has to get his life back just the way it was. Every year that passes makes his calculations infinitely more complicated, and it worries him. Initially, full of hope, he thought he’d get back by the time he was fifteen. Then his calculations estimated twenty. Another year, and they came out to forty-five. It would be almost pointless, then, but he keeps his head up and works tirelessly, hoping against hope that he’s wrong--that he’ll make a breakthrough and get back sooner. 

But Tyler brings him back from the abyss in his head, asking what he wants for his birthday, and Five breaks down crying and falls back against a broken wall. “I don’t want anything,” he says. “I want to go home.”

When he’s probably seventeen he finds a copy of _Fifty Shades of Grey_ and reads it at least twelve times. It’s a terrible book, objectively, but once he can get past the awful writing and horrendous characters, he finds it strangely addictive. He spends a day complaining that he’ll probably be a virgin forever. Delores tells him he has bigger things to worry about and checks out of the conversation, but Tyler, being a sex doll, entertains him. 

_You don’t have to be a virgin forever,_ Tyler tells him, and the wind knocks him over and moves his shirt so Five can almost see the place where his pants fill out. _You know I’m always here._

Five sticks his tongue out and wrinkles his nose. “I don’t know how that would even work,” he says. “You don’t either.” But the notion’s been planted in his head now, and he wonders if it could work somehow. He imagines it, that he wakes up one day with a woman’s body, and Tyler can move and walk and do everything Christan Grey had done in that book. He can’t get it out of his mind. It takes him away from his math and his work at inopportune times, and he can’t meet Tyler’s eyes for a week.

But after that week, FIve goes into a section of the old library he’s routinely avoided in search of more books like _Fifty Shades of Grey._ It’s a pulpy romance section; he’s never needed anything from there before, but there’s a different kind of gnawing in the bottom of his stomach and he feels like the books will help. 

It’s a treasure trove. He spends hours reading awful fiction about squires and princesses, cowboys and ranch-girls, and so on, and so on--but there are no girls with him except for Delores, who doesn’t even have a bottom half, so even while exciting they depress him. 

He’s depressed until he finds a book that doesn’t have a girl on the cover. It’s called _Of a Vampire Black,_ and it’s just as corny and syrupy as the rest of them. The big difference is that the main characters are both men, and Five is immediately intrigued. He reads the whole thing in two hours, and then reads it again, because he had no idea that it could _actually_ work. The rest of the day is spent looking for more of those books, and at the end of the week he’s got a complete idea in his head.

On a musty day when they’re all stuck inside the makeshift house-shelter, Dolores takes a nap, and in the other room Five and Tyler sit. Five is practically buzzing when he tells Tyler “I figured out how you can help me,” and Tyler smiles and laughs in that lilting way he does, which makes Five happy.

Five leans over and kisses Tyler on the lips. It’s cold and smooth, flesh and plastic, and to anyone else it would be out of place--but it’s all Five knows, and the last time he touched anyone it was Klaus’ infamous tackle-hug four years ago after midday sparring. Sadness spears him through the chest, and he folds in half. 

_Are you okay?_ It takes Five a few minutes to look up, but when he does, Tyler is there watching him, and waiting to make sure he’s alright. And he _is_ alright, or at least he will be, because one of these days he has to stop crying and moping and accept the fact that his stupid impulsivity ruined his life. 

He kisses Tyler again, this time unfazed by the cold lifelessness of the plastic mouth, and this time he doesn’t stop.

Twenty minutes later he tries to slow his breathing as Tyler smiles under him. This is going to be a bitch to clean up, he thinks, but throws the thought out of his head. He’s got to focus. It hurts, but he figured out pretty early that you had to spit a lot or it wouldn’t even work in the first place. And if he moves in the right way and puts his hand on his neck in the perfect place, it feels better than anything that’s ever happened to him. He bends down, dropping his face to the small crook in Tyler’s neck, breathing in small pants through his teeth. 

Seven minutes of gasping and fumbling later Five’s mind wipes clean. Spots of white fill his vision, and he makes some kind of noise he’s never made and arches his back. It’s pressure, buzzing and shaking and warming him, but when it’s over everything hurts. 

Five slides off of the doll--not Tyler, just a doll--and stares at the slanted ceiling he’d made out of blankets and metal slats. He’s still breathing hard, and he’s aware of uncomfortable stickiness on his chest. There’s a million things happening in his head at once, but he chooses to ignore them and focus on cleaning up.

The clothes come back on both of them, and Five leaves the room without the doll. He can’t meet Delores’ eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> comment because it helps my mental health and also because if you do that there IS a possibility I may write more <3


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